Thursday, May 31, 2012

Things That Go Nom Nom Nom in the Night

Here are some things I'm afraid of:

Small spaces
Falling off the subway platform
Being buried alive

I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be adding "someone eating my face off" to this list.

What the fuck, world.

Today on the subway, a crazy got on the same car as me.  He stood by the doors and casually poured a bottle of water on the floor of the train.  Ok.  He started yelling, and I had my headphones in so I don't know what he was yelling about.  But then he started pointing at me while he was yelling.  If this had happened 2 days ago, I probably would have just felt the normal amount of uncomfortable.  But today all I could think was, please don't lunge at me and try to eat my face.  Never imagined I would think that thought.  No longer walking past Otto's Tiki Bar after sundown.  At least not with my face exposed.

I read that the face-eater's mom is pissed that people are calling her son a zombie (which is actually a pretty generous label given the circumstances).  She has defended his honor by citing the fact that he gave her a Mother's Day card (doesn't excuse face-eating) and has argued that the cops didn't need to shoot him when they could have just used a taser.  When someone is eating the face off of a living person there is no such thing as excessive force for the individuals putting a stop to the face-eating.  This is coming from someone who hates guns.  Super anti-guns over here.  See the above list.  But one face eaten is one face too many.  Use all the guns to shoot all the face-eaters.

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