Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The More You Know

Here are a couple of interesting facts I learned about coconuts today:

On average, 150 people are killed every year by coconuts falling on their heads.
Coconuts can be classified as either a fruit or a nut or a seed.  If you care for specifics, they are a one-seeded drupe.

The more you know.

I am very lucky to have had the opportunity to benefit from a top quality education.  My parents put me through private school first grade through high school, and then I got my bachelor's degree from the greatest university of all time (do not question it), Notre Dame.

I learned a great deal through my formal education and now I continue that tradition of learning with my Google devices (aka my iPhone/iPad/MacBook - the holy trinity of knowledge).

Where is the "back" button on this phone.
I'd rather be looking at the Braveheart leper
Here are a handful of things I have searched on the Google in the past four days:

- How many people are killed by coconuts on a yearly basis? (obviously)
- Is a coconut a fruit? (obviously)
- Leper from Braveheart (because sometimes you need to make sure someone else will never be able to unsee that face)
- Can you do a strikethrough in an iMessage? (finding new ways to use champion the strikethrough. Someone please make an app for this)
- Willow Smith (to prove to someone that not all of Will Smith's kids are cute)
- Aaron Paul + fiance (FYI "activist" is not a real job description. I'm not impressed.)
- Watch [insert name of TV show] free online (duh)
- Alphabet Cafe + milkshakes (the answer is "yes")
- Jennifer Nettles (making sure I spelled her name right so I could lambast her on the Twitter #Duets)
- pedicure east village (time to accept that it's summer and do something about my goblin feet)
- Family guy + the more you know (this was recent)

This is not the first of these lists I've been involved in putting together.  In college, my roommates and I loved McSweeney's lists.  Junior year we submitted our own: Actual Questions That Appear in our Roommate's Search History.  For those of you that haven't seen this, prepare to be amazed by Mikaela Droz's thirst for knowledge.  For those of you that have already seen this, read it anyway.  I promise, it's still funny.

This guy.
Who won the vice presidential debate?
Who won A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila II?
Who is on the dime?
Who does the voice of Brian on Family Guy?
What is the rate of return of the S&P 500?
What are electric costs for a 1,000 square foot apartment?
What kind of dog was the one in Old School?
What is the highest MCAT score?
What is in P.F. Chang's lettuce wraps?
Why does Padma from Top Chef have a scar?
How much does an insulin pump cost?
How much does Tyra Banks weigh?
How much do cruise liners weigh?
How many words are in a 5 minute speech?
How to perform an exorcism in an apartment?
How do you clean non-athletic shoes?
How long can a baby with two faces live?

Won't stop until the truth is uncovered.
Here's a list for you, McSweeney's.. Most devastating, dream-crushing e-mail I've ever received.  Oh wait.. there's just one:

Hi, Mikaela, Andrea, and Mariel -

I'm afraid we're not going to use this one, but thanks for considering us for it. Hope you guys will keep trying.



Dear Chris,

In case you were still regretting this decision three years after the fact, I just wanted to update you on the goings on in my life.  I haven't checked McSweeney's lists in at least eighteen months.  Hope you'll keep being terrible.


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