Monday, June 4, 2012

Mouse Hunt: Part II

Just know that there will be a Part III.

I thought this was going to be a 24-hour-turnaround kind of deal but apparently that is not the case.  Good to know.  Glad I brought home dinner just in case.  I kid, I kid.  All joking aside, as gross/psychopathic as this sounds, I was 30% excited about finding a body.  Not in an I-can't-wait-to-perform-experiments-on-it kind of way.  I was just looking forward to the sense of accomplishment I would feel having brought the intruder to justice.  But alas, the suspect remains at large.

See you in hell.

Expecting to have caught the little varmint by this evening, I brought home a couple of items from work to aid me in disposing of the body: latex gloves and chopsticks.  And no, I don't work at a P.F. Changs.  I used the chopsticks to slide the sticky mouse traps out from under the oven.  The gloves were obviously to protect myself from mouse diseases in case I'd been successful.  I added peanut butter to one of the sticky traps since both my mom and Mark Lyons told me peanut butter is the way to go.  And now.. we wait.

I would like to include an email I received from Wrecking Crew member Greg in response to Mouse Hunt: Part I.  Thanks for sharing, Greg.  This little monster sounds like a pro.  Rest assured, one day you'll get him on tax evasion. 

Here’s some advice.  MOVE!      That might sound like an exaggeration…  but not if you were like us, and happened to have the smartest lil bastard of a mouse ever to squeak in this fine city.    While Ben viciously hunted and killed many of his brethren – super mouse just came and went as he pleased.      [ed. note: Ben was Greg's roommate apparently and was cc'ed on this email. Ben, nice to meet you. I'm still waiting for your reply-all but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.  Welcome to the Wrecking Crew]

·         He ate the peanut butter out of the mouse trap we set and then left us a turd on top of the trap - just to send us a message.   [ed. note: my first LOL of this email. I like where this is headed]
·         He ate the cheese out of Ben’s ‘orange cracker and cheese with red spreading stick’ snack pack – but just left the crackers! (why does a grown man still have cheese and cracker snack packs?  That question is for another day – this is about the mouse)
·         He made a shoe-nest out of my fly ass pair high top Nike dunks  
·         We cornered him in the garbage can dozens of times – smashing the can and its contents to bits – only to investigate the bag and find no mouse remains.
·         Ben once caught him in his Burton back pack eating some potato chips.  He quickly hustled the bag outside to find not a mouse, but a little hole nibble in the corner of the bag where the super mouse ejected to safety in the nick of time.

His favorite food was sour cream n onion potato chips.  Ironically that’s Ben’s favorite food too – so you can imagine the epic rivalry created and ensuing battle.  How did it all end?  How did you finally defeat super mouse and his reign of terror?  Ben and I surrendered and moved out of the apartment. I can only speculate that super mouse is still living on N7th and Bedford – doing whatever the f*** he wants to do. 

1 comment:

  1. did you make some kind of black photo backdrop in our apartment?