|This is who runs my love life.|
Everyone I know has an OK Cupid profile, but I have been hesitant to join. Maybe I am as old school as my dad when it comes to the internet but I guess I still associate online dating with the stigma of being desperate, maybe because it reminds me of a former co-worker (she had Lloyd Christmas bangs and sounded like a member of the Addams family) who met her husband (all I remember is a Super Mario brothers moustache) via an online dating site, and she always shared way too much about her middle-aged love life.
Given the fact that my dating life right now is about as eventful as if I walked around wearing a sandwich board reading "I HAVE A BALD SPOT AND GONORRHEA" (only one of those is true), I have entertained the thought of possibly possibly hopping on the OK Cupid
Here is my how I imagine I would construct this hypothetical profile:
First of all, apparently on Ok Cupid you are allowed to feature three pictures. Choose wisely. No one really cares about anything else in your profile besides these three pictures. Let's be real.. Before actually sending you a message, they are going to look long and hard at these to determine whether or not you are at least 80% as attractive as you were four years ago when the best three pictures of your life were taken. Here are the three I would choose:
Hey guys. Look who's online. Right now.
Laying all the cards out on the table. Also, my face doesn't look awful. Unlike here...
In case I don't lose the baby weight.. I've given fair warning.
Favorite books: [Honestly? Harry Potter, anything by Jonathan Safran Foer or Dave Eggers, and.. does TV count as books? Ughhhh fine, for the purpose of impressing my soul mate? ...] A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Catcher in the Rye, and Atlas Shrugged. I haven't even read the last two.
Favorite movies: [Lies]
Favorite music: [More lies]
Interests: Ghost hunting, impressing your mom, powerhours
Looking for: Someone normal. I'll settle for a free dinner.