|Only cute when voiced by Michael J. Fox and/or holding tiny teddy bears|
I don't consider myself a stereotypical girl when it comes to most things. I don't know how to walk in heels (I look like a baby deer standing for the first time). I don't enjoy shopping. Etc. This mouse, though. I freaked out a little bit.
Dealing with a mouse seems like one of those things that comes with growing up. You have your first apartment, you're paying rent, you're dealing with leaky bathroom ceilings... and you have to figure out how to kill your first mouse. Fortunately, I have my wonderful mother who knows everything about everything and tells me what to do in all of these first-time situations. So after I screamed and asked her who I call to kill the mouse, she assured me that this is something I can handle myself. Oh right, mouse traps. I don't know why my first instinct was that I had to call an exterminator. Probably because 0% of me wanted to walk past the oven to get to the front door. WHY DOES HE KEEP POKING HIS HEAD OUT TO LOOK AT ME? WHAT IS YOUR ANGLE, MOUSE? DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT EATING MY FACE.
When I told her that I didn't know where any hardware stores were around my neighborhood, my mom assured me that I could find what I needed at the grocery store or a Duane Reade. She spent a few more minutes calming me down and then asked me how close the nearest drug store was.
Me: Oh, I'm already there.
Mom: [laughing] That was fast. Did you run there?
Me: I've got my reasons.
Mom: Alright, did you find the mouse traps?
Me: No, I got distracted by some scented candles.
Pound cake scented candles. I've got my reasons.
Still on the phone with my mom (and candle in tow), I find a Rite Aid employee and ask the mustachioed woman where the mouse traps are.
Mustachioed Rite Aid lady: [quizzical look]
Me: Mouse traps.
Mustachioed Rite Aid lady: [still looking quizzical, still mustachioed] Mouse traps?
Me: Yes. Traps. For catching mice.
Mustachioed Rite Aid lady: Oh, sure [points to aisle 14]
Me: Yes, I just explained to a grown woman what a mouse trap is.
I sorted through their selection but there were no sticky mouse traps which is what my mom was telling me to buy. My poor mother was still on the phone with me, the saint that she is, as I talked through my options. Ok, not getting the old school wooden snappy things. I was trying to explain this one big trap that seemed pretty sturdy..
Me: Ok, there's this one.. I can't tell how it works. It looks like the mouse walks in and then the door closes behind it. But I think that means the mouse is going just hang out in there? Alive? I can't tell what this is.
Mom: [pause] It sounds like you're describing a mouse hotel.
Anyway, after much deliberation I bought the mouse hotel and mouse poison pellets to go with it. That's right, mouse. You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.
$18.26 later, I walked a couple blocks further to the Duane Reade. Surely they must have sticky mouse traps and employees that know what mouse traps are. Nope, no sticky mouse traps. I decided to buy a set of 4 Tomcat traps (mini hotels) for good measure and, a set of two Rid Rite pest control systems. You plug these bad boys into your wall outlets, and they send out ultrasonic signals through the walls so mice won't want to come inside. Let's end the bloodshed here, my furry brethren.
$34.82 ($53.08 total), I headed home. Eh, I was passing the grocery store anyway.. might as well take a look inside. Yup, sticky mouse traps. Bingo. And it was only $2.17 for the CatchMaster set of 4!!
I set 5 of the 9 traps just to be safe. I will consume this mouse with fireballs from my eyes and bolts of lightning from my ass. FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMM.
|Take no prisoners.|
To be continued.